What Do Phil Mickelson And Colin Montgomerie Have In Common. It's Not What You Think

If your thinking what they have in common is that they both blew the last hole to lose the US Open well your right. They did both blow it but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the fact they both have man boobs. These too guys need what Kramer on the TV show Sienfeld called a Mansiere, as in a brassiere for a man.

Have you seen them walking down the fairway, it's embarrasing, with their boobs bouncing unrestrained under their shirts like two muskrats wrestling. Have they no shame.

They should at least tape them or something. The sad thing is Phil's boobs are bigger than his wife's - ouch.

Don't get me wrong, I like a nice set as much as the next guy, I just like to see them on the LPGA not the PGA.

Golf Times

By God, He Almost Did It!

I was truly surprised. There Monty was on Sunday, in the middle of the 72nd fairway, after a perfect drive, with a real chance to win. All he had to do was hit the green on his approach, par the hole, and if Phil parred the last hole after bogeying the 71st he would be in a playoff. Or maybe win it if Phil did anything stupid (but the chances of the new Phil doing anything stupid would be small, right?) .

That's when Monty resorted to his old self when it comes to majors. He self destructed. His approach went into the cabbage to the right then he hit out too strong and 3 putted for a double eventually allowing Ogilvy to win when Phil did do something stupid.

All he had to do for God's sake was hit the middle of the green. He's a seasoned professional with many a pressured packed shot in the past he could draw on for inspiration but noooo, not Monty, it looked like he purposely tried to lose it on the last hole. Like it dawned on him that he might actually win the thing and got too affraid.

A psychiatrist would have a field day trying to figure why he does himself in like this in the majors. He's Superman during the Ryder Cup and wimpy Clark Kent otherwise.

Even though he has that smug British way about him that smacks of elitism, I, for some strange reason, found myself pulling for him to win. I don't know if it was because I feel sorry for him since he got divorced and he seemed to take it rather hard or if I just like pulling for the guy who wants something so badly and might never get a better chance to obtain it.

In any case, he blew it. Good news for him is that he only has a few weeks until the British Open to try one more time to conquer his demons.

Pip pip, cheerio, stiff upper lip and all that good rot.

Golf Times

Can Monty Keep His Game Together And Win His First Major?

NO!

Laws Of Golf - Part I

Listed here are the indisputable Laws Of Golf, some are obvious but all are absolutely true:

• Hazards attract; fairways repel
• Aim for the bunker, you'll never hit it
• If it ain't broke, try changing your grip
• Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie
• It rains only when you forget your umbrella
• Two putts on a slick green are only the begining
• Golf should be given up at least twice per month
• If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint
• It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50' putt when you lie 9
• There is more to life than to break par, but not much more
• Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot

Golf Times

What Do The Amish And The Memorial Have In Common?

The rakes! Jack Nicklaus wanted to put some teeth into his course that has had double digit below par winners for the past several years so he decided to make the sand traps harder.

Ohio has a large Amish community and it turns out they make these wooden rakes with widely spaced tynes that were perfect for making furrows in the sand. Jack bought 150 for his course but when he tested them he found that you could still spin the ball out of the traps so he had every other tyne removed. That did the trick.

So far most players have been doing a fair amount of whining about them (except the ones who played well) which tells me Jack made the right move.

This is not something new, back in the 30's, Oakmont used to have deep furrows in their sand traps until the USGA outlawed them.

I hope this idea cathes on. The pros have gotten so good out of the perfectly uniform and coifed sand that they hope their errand shots go into the traps instead of the thick rough. The traps are bearly penal anymore.

Here's to Jack and his attempt to make the pros think a little before they fire away.

Next he should replace the golf carts on his course with the horse and buggy.

Golf Times

Lumpy Ends His Slump-y At The Colonial

The wait was long and sometimes lumpy, I mean bumpy but Tim Herron finally got his first win on the PGA Tour since 1994.

He almost choked on the lump in his throat on the 72nd hole when he blocked his drive well right into the deep and tangly rough then hacked out short of the green. He chipped up and was left with a 9 footer to tie with Richard Johnson.

He made the putt then won it with a birdie on the second hole of sudden death.

He got plaid jacket (extra large) and a fat check for 1.08 million.

That will put a lump in his wallet.

Golf Times

Jim Furyk Is Having Himself A Merry Little Golf Season

He's gotta be quite pleased with himself this year. Let's recount his accomplishments for this year.

He's crashed the Big Five party by bumping Ernie Els down to sixth, has a win and a pasal of top 10 finishes, has slipped in behind Phil Mickelson at second on the money list, only $300K shy and is now only 2 shots out of the lead (after Thur's round) at the Colonial.

Seems like he has recovered fully from the injured wrist that hampered much of his play last year.

I like Jim, wierd swing and all. I'm pulling for him to overtake Phil on the money list and maybe even in the world rankings.

Golf Times